Whack-Thooo

First things first. HDTV presents??? How the hell is HDTV expanded into High Definition Motion Pictures? Ok, settle down Sujoy. We are here to witness Prabhuji Mithun’s legacy in a new avatar, his son Mimoh (fact: his name has two parts Mi-from Michael Jackson, Moh from Mohammad Ali). So he indulges in both the parts of his name, and meh! forget about doing justice to them. The titles start to roll on a cheap 70’s soundtrack and ooh, shiny disco Balls….and yes, it does seem like a take on Justin Timberlake- Rock ya Body. So, it begins. Let there be Light(s), Sound, Camera, Action!! So, here it goes.Rahul Dev -a cop gets a ring (as in a call) of a murder. Rushes to the spot mentioned, finds a lady buried and of course dead. Finds a Driving License there. It is of course of Jimmy,apna Jesus (son of God, no hurt feelings, please). And what is he doing? Trying to maintain the center of gravity of his 250 pounds of body weight, which is wrapped in a tight black pair of trousers, and a hat, and black shoes, and white socks. Get the Picture?. He is dancing so fast. Who’s the bloody choreographer?(It is Chinni Prakash, the one who gave us Tu Cheez Badi Hai Mast Mast) You wanted to project Mimoh’s dancing skills and this is what is done? Oh ok,I need not get mad at you, coz this entire movie was actually tailor made for Mimoh- taking into consideration that his Launchpad needed a perfect blend of the Indian Curry and the Western Sleaze, ahem no, umm..influence, I meant influence. So we get the blond streaks as long as a mane, and the MJ moonwalk. And we get the desi dhishoom with the Maa ki Mamta and Bete ka Kartavya, not to forget the Sachha Premi who finally reveals that he would have even sacrificed that for his Yaarana. PHEW!!! So, ok, let me stop giggling.

Okay, where was I? Cop comes to disc to find Mimoh in the heights of ecstasy, as he climaxed his act..of dancing. He arrests him on the charge of murder. Mimoh-aka Jimmy (doesn’t matter, actually Jimmy could have been a better name for Mimoh. Personally because Mithunda was really famous for the song- Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy, Aaja Aaja Ajaja. So it all makes sense, except for the fact that Jimmy is a common name for the Canis Familaris species- Dogs). I lost it again. Ok, no more giggling. Read the rest of this post »

I entered my workplace at around 4 pm. I knew it was IT. IT as in my first breakthrough performance to see the other side of the night right throughout the entire time. There have been prior occasions when I have seen the sun rise from the dark and even times when I have just sat in my room and witnessed the night take a descent. But most of those times were under heavy influence of alcohol (read vodka), Pink Floyd and a fair amount of mad engineers going gaga over either the hottie in the circuit or even discussing career plans at length. And trust me, alcohol helps. (I am in no way promoting alcoholism, it’s just that it has had a deep influence in letting my expressions ventilate more smoothly). And here was I. Staring at the cubicles painted in white and sky blue with tubes glowing above the desks. The AC must be set at almost 18 degrees and the walk to my seat was through the long corridor where I take left after the second sectioned opening. The long corridor led to the Toilet, and to the left of it was the Pantry. Nobody dared to ask what was at the right of the end of the corridor. What was troubling me more than anything else was the sheer magnitude of the number of hours I had to spend until I was to be set FREE. Yes, it was a sort of a prison for me, and I had no companions to console me- no alcohol, no Pink Floyd. Yes, the Engineers are here also, but in no way am I discussing my career plans with them. So how do I resist all of this? CAFFEINE!! Read the rest of this post »

The Top 5 have been revealed. And am I happy with it? There has been one major setback/upset which I shall be talking about at length in a while. But first, the Top 5. It comprises of the frontrunners- The Davids -Cook and Archuleta, and the rest- Syesha Mercado, Jason Castro and Brooke White. For one, I do believe that Jason and Brooke just don’t have it in them to be winners and even eventually go ahead and sell records.Firstly Jason, who is just banking on his “blue eyes” and the cute guy smile to woo all those American teen chicks to vote for him. He is just a very repetitive singer, and throughout the competition his performances have all been acoustic.Nothing wrong about that. He even gave some good ones - Hallelujah and Somewhere Over the Rainbow. But the rest of them are just as repetitive. Brooke on the other hand looks like a very weak performer.She messed up onstage twice, has a very vulnerable quality to her vocals, which means her vocals break down too often and they have gone off-pitch at many instances. Add to that I can’t remember a single performance of hers which was remarkable. So I just do not bother if she leaves the competition next week, or even if Jason left. I’d also not be yupset if it was Syesha to leave next week, unless she belts out a killer Neil Diamond song. Read the rest of this post »

God Bless Sean Penn!
God Bless Hal Holbrook!

Into the Wild it is. Sean Penn brings John Krakauer’s best-seller to the screen based on the life of Chris McCandless, a 22 year old who donates all of his savings of $24,000 to Oxfam, abandons all his possessions as well as identity and thumbs his way to Alaska.Why does he do so? Because he wants to detach himself from the shackles of money, career, the rat-race and rather get lost in the unpredictable, dangerous American outbacks and experience FREEDOM, all in the style of his literary heroes -Jack London and Henry David Thoreau. And as Chris(portrayed by Emile Hirsch) says ,”I don’t want money,give me truth”, and that is what we get it.Amazingly, we are not made to gulp it down forcibly. But in the reels of Sean Penn, we witness what made Chris to take such a decision- to abandon a secure lifestyle to choose to hit the road by himself. Was he a spoilt child or an introspective and thoughtful person?It is a tragedy no doubt,for Chris himself who dies of starvation and poisoning , his parents who do not get a trace of him until they discover his dead body years after he left, and also for the old man who wanted to adopt him as his grandson. But at the end of it all, the Light did shine. The questions that were raised have been left unanswered, but in the narration of Chris’ sister Carine (Jena Malone), we begin to understand the anguish of the upbringing of a dysfunctional family and its harsh consequences. But Penn prefers to keep it miles away from being preachy in any way and rather tell the beautiful tale of Chris in the breathtaking outbacks of Alaska and his endearing quest for Idealism - that’s the word. (Check out the screenshots after the jump) Read the rest of this post »

The ‘Aag’ of the Year is Here.
The Tashan…. The Pharmoola….. The Craps

Yeah, the days spent in anticipation are over. All this while , we were wondering what Tashan was all about. The theatrical trailers revealed only the four characters walking out of a burning house, in picture perfect glares, leather boots, and loaded with guns. Saif in his brown cargos, Akhshay in a red shirt with a gamcha tied around his waist and scratching his head, Kareena in a blazing hot white top and leather boots , and Anil Kapoor, well his presence is just enough. And then the trailer ends with Anil jee saying ” Phust impression ij dee laast impression” (A twisted UP wala tone added to First Impression is the Last impression). The good thing about the trailer was the distorted electric guitar background score that accompanied the extra stylish, extra crisp trailer which revealed nothing about the story. It was indeed intriguing. But now that I have watched the whole movie, it all makes sense now. They didn’t reveal anything about the movie because they didn’t have anything in the movie that could possibly termed as “PLOT”. Oh please, my lord, I accuse YashRaj films of spending the megabucks on such a bunch-a-loada-crap. Yes, it is so crap that it makes Bhagam Bhag (or any damn Priyadarshan’s crap remake movie) look like Ben Hur (No, I am not comparing them in any bloody way. Tashan is just so crap!).In fact, now I am unable to decide which is more crap-Tashan or the preivous Yashraj offering-Jhoom Barabar Jhoom. And yes,personally, I do not have anything against the Yashraj people.I even managed to like a pregnant Priety Zinta moonwlking in ‘Salaam Namaste’, even the crooks Bunty n Bubli while they tried to sell the Taj Mahal to a firang. But for Tashan,I have only a very few things that can be mentioned as I didn’t dislike. Read the rest of this post »

Every morning I wake up to see what was Yesterday.
Is this what life is meant to be?
To make my cup of coffee,sip it while I learn what I say,
Is my reward only my fee?

To walk through that door and see the faces of the bots,
As we were brought here in bunches and lots,
The mistakes I make , counted in colons and dots
Is this all in my life that I got?

Where is the me in I?
Is it alive or left to die?
Where is the me in I?
The wings are cut and I try to fly.
Where is the me in I?
Is it alive or left to die?
Where is the me in I?
Oh I better kiss my past Goodbye!!!

Amen!

Pic Courtesy: Cyril BRETON

This might come across as an offensive piece of writing directly aimed at toilet humor. But well, literally speaking it is more aimed at the toilet bit of it. Let’s call it the toilet etiquette or perhaps “Loo-tiquette”. This is directly aimed at that loo-natic guy peeing next to me even when the entire row is empty. I really do not get it. Why next to me? Yes, I am claustrophobic. And add to that, I have stage fright!! Now, you might ask how does that relate to my problem.Yes, I am a weird guy. I cannot pee in the presence of a crowd. I need proper silence, concentration and direction in that order. And no, I cannot multi-task while I am doing it. And so, I’d rather not see you too doing the same. Which leads to rule no.1 of “Loo-tiquette”

Rule 1: No Phone Calls

If you have come to take a leak, just do it. Do NOT attend a call, or try to negotiate your crucial deals while your have your phone held between your ears and your left shoulder, whereas your body is releasing . Think of the person on the other end who hears a flush when the deal is done. And also think of what value you hold of the deal. Was it that important that you needed to “Flush IT”? Stop trying to remember things on the call while you are peeing and please oh please, make sure your ringtones do not belong to the Disco era!!

Corollary to Rule no.1: No involving in the call Read the rest of this post »

When a movie can prove that you need not know the language to understand the grief embedded within the person in front of you, that’s when I say it has transcended the limits of being an entertainment medium and escalated to a whole new level. To me, watching Marc Foster’s onscreen adaptation of Khaled Hosseini’s best-selling novel “The Kite Runner” has been such a proof. Who would have thought that a movie with completely unknown faces, languages switching from Russian to Dari to Pashtu to English, and two kids with the most innocent eyes could steal the show? And please, let us not even attempt to compare it with the written work. The barometer which tries to measure a film’s ability to completely adapt each page of a book would always say that the movie fell short on many aspects. The Kite Runner is no exception to that. But the story comes through with as flying colors as the Kite of Amir Jan and the sincere spirit of Hassan, his Kite Runner.

The Story: I am one of those who haven’t read the book. And for me, what was shown was what I got, and not something for which I expected. Without giving much away (although, I believe millions must have already either read the book or seen the film), the story revolves around Amir , born to a rich family in pre-Soviet Kabul and how he comes in terms to get rid of his guilt of not having helped his best friend-Hassan. The story begins in the Late 70’s Kabul where Hassan and Amir spend their childhood as best pals, competing in Kite Flying festivals and Hassan serves as Amir’s Kite Runner. Hassan gets bullied by a group who sexually assault him as he is a Hazara and should not be in the company of someone like Amir. Amir witnesses the event but cannot defend Hassan. He even distances himself from Hassan by accusing him of theft. The Hazara family leaves the Khan family, and even the Khan family have to leave their grand haveli due to the Soviet invasion. They flee to Pakistan, and then eventually to California, America. Years later, Amir still strives to pursue a career in writing and marries the daughter of General Taheri, Soraya. Amir’s father passes away due to ill-health, while Amir manages to get his first book published. He receives a call from Rahim Khan at Peshawar who wants him to come back for a reason. Read the rest of this post »

MySpace India launch party brought together 4 musical acts. Great or not, I’ll decide that a bit later in this post. The acts for the evening:- Them Clones from Delhi, Swarathma from Bangalore and The Raghu Dixit Project- also from Bangalore. The gig was organised as a launch party of MySpace India- yet another Social Networking website. And as I reached the venue (Soul, Koregaon Park, Pune), I realised that we were very late for the show. Them Clones had already started their set, and were almost nearing the end of their playlist. I had plans of slurping my favorite Chicken Classic Soup, but I couldn’t find any waiters. All I could see around me were people with their heads directed towards the stage. The crowd had some familiar faces- Bobby, bassist of Zero, P-Man, bassist of PDV and well, the other performing artistes. I came in late hoping Swarathma would open and well, Them Clones would be the second act, if not the closing act. But then it didn’t happen so.

Them Clones:- They were in the middle of their song (which I hadn’t heard before, and so couldn’t recognise). Surprisingly, they were doing an Unplugged-ish acoustic set, with the candles lit in the mini-glass chimneys et al. I had seen them before in the very first LaunchPad concert of Channel V, and for that matter I only one song of theirs- Bomb Song. Don’t know if they performed it or not. And so, I had this notion that these guys would be hard hitting rock. But it was a welcome change from the usual stuff we get to listen. Prithwish on the vocals and the Keyboards belted out one song after the other , which would remind you of a British romantic soundtrack. And I could definitely picture Julia Roberts running in her white bridal wear. :). That means it wasn’t bad. It was good. The song arrangements was perfect and the song felt complete. The two tracks on the Keyboard gave me a Coldplay-Goo Goo Dolls vibe bordering on the lines of (previously mentioned) Brit pop-rock arrangement which I love. It certainly made me feel happy. The next two tracks were very upbeat, catchy and Prithwish had left the Keyboards and had joined the Jumping League. I can only remember their final track- Syndrome -coz he made the audience remember the chorus lines. Joseph on the lead guitars gave an acoustic guitar solo. All I could want more on their tracks was prominent harmonies. Apart from that, the show-stealer was Nitin on the sound console. Perfect sound! Them Clones definitely nailed the four originals and had set the perfect tone for the night.

Up Next: Swarathma

Read the rest of this post »

This is with reference to all that is irrelevant and all that can be totally disassociated from a wall of speakers of a thousand watt each. A wall, as in “Humpty Dumpty sat on a WALL”. Oh I forgot to mention it, it’s not just any speakers. These are loud speakers with proper mixers and amplifiers, and yes, there’s a sound engineer cum DJ at the console. One thing though: either they have bass notes hitting so hard as bullets leaving the barrel of a Kalashnikov, or tones so deep that you really wonder if that made the Opera’s Phantom. And what’s the occasion? The list is pretty long. Be it Ugadi,Eid or Saraswati Pooja, Navratri or even Ambedkar Diwas. And if you were to ask me the essential playlist here, I’d like to reveal them one by one. Firstly, I will promise that I will not repeat the songs in my previous playlist post. Secondly, we shall not do any form of publicity (be it positive or negative) for Mr.Himess. He already has his fair share (But the man has been mum for quite some time. Guess he’s busy shooting for Karzzz -the remake). Third rule of the list- This is gonna be fun. So no Bhajans (For those who expected that I would include Bhajans of Anup Jalota, Narendra Chanchal and the like, I should say, you guys have come to the wrong page). So here we go(not put in any particular order, but that)!!

1. Hard Kaur & Glassy Family : Ek Glassy Do Glassy

Innovative lyrics, inventive rhythm and the Bhangra rap just couldn’t have been better. Especially when the dhol beats on the hip-hop rhythmcan literally scratch the back of your head from the inside. For best results, try standing within a metre’s range from the wall (of the speakers). Conditions apply.

2. Sean Paul- Temperature.

Okay, this might not hold true for any pandal in the US or Canada. But it does for any damn pandal in Pune, remote parts of Telengana, Vidharbha, Chota Nagpur Plateau and also some parts of the Deccan. You see, Sean Paul actually starts rhyming in Marathi proving yet again that he is in fact, a Marathi Manoos, not the Jamaican reggae guy that he poses to be. Sean Paul also received an honorary doctorate from the Pune Mahanagar Palika for the maximum looped playtime of Temperature. The award ceremony was also graced by aunties of Kondhwa Griha Mahila Udyog shaking their booty to the track.

3. Sukhbir - Ishq

There has always been an increasing demand of encore requests for this track. I am sure Sukhbir’s “aatma” cries from Nairobi to see the heartfelt appreciation that this song still receives. For best results, watch Neighbour Dhobi Kushal go frenzy after getting diluted (By that I mean, once he drinks his first drop of water after his stock of 2 khamba). Sukhbir’s Ishq remains an eternal favorite of the 2 year old who lives downstairs. She can hardly recognise between her dad and her mom, but can definitely sing “Ho Ho Ho Ho!!”. An insider news source reports that parts of Toronto and Southall,UK have experienced Santa Claus singing his trademark sound to the tunes of Sukhbir “Ho Ho Ho Hoooo”.

4. Vengaboys - Boom Boom

Not even any other Vengaboys track can come close to this. And mind you, this is actually a Saraswati Puja favorite, irrespective of latitude, longitude or solitude. Maa Saraswati has always remained quite pleased and has always blessed me with the best of marks at the final exams. Why shouldn’t she? Read the rest of this post »