One Knight Stands!

Bollywood Music has just left me drained completely. This has been a year where I got variety , versatility and above all, quality music that transcends all definitions and spans across all possible genres from Qawwali to Rock to Jazz to Blues to even Hindustani Classical. This has been a year which has excelled all of my expectations, mostly in the later part of the year with the kicking in of the major blockbusters accompanied by their equally explosive soundtracks. It has been quite a journey for me listing out these gems and in no way I can accurately opt for the winners, but then, some are more equal than the others.

So the Nominees are:-

A.R. Rahman – GURU

From the Arabic belly dancing ritual number, Mayya Mayya, to the very Folk –Barso Re Megha, the signature Rahman sound in Tere Bina , the heart melting Hairat-e-Aashiqui which transforms into a Scottish Pipers song and then back to a Ghazal, and to top it all, a Soul Stirring choir singing in unison – Jaage Hai Der Tak Humein….GURU had it all. Bow down Mister, to the current GURU of Music.

Pritam – Life in a Metro

This is Bollywood makeover into the Rock image. And by Rock, it’s like \m/ ROCK accompanied with a “Hell Yeah”. Be it Alvida in its two avatars from KK and James, O Meri Jaan with the wild drumming, and the heart wrenching falsetto, or the extremely intoxicating and addictive In Dino which still continues to be on my playlist, Metro’s soundtrack didn’t feature a single star track, instead it’s a constellation out here.

Sajid Wajid –Partner.

If Metro brought Rock in, Partner brought the house down with Hip Hop, desi style. Thanks to the onscreen chemistry between the lead pair-Govinda and Salman, and to the immensely catchy tracks- Soni De Nakhre and My Love. Partner has to feature on this list. Who doesn’t want some breaks in between? Gaddee Po Po Po......

Shankar Ehsaan Loy –Taare Zameen Par

I swear I didn’t appreciate this soundtrack before watching the movie. After having watched the movie now, I listen to the songs in a very different light. It has definitely grown on me, and there is no doubt that this is by far Shankar,Ehsaan and Loy’s best work since Dil Chahta Hai. My favorite track here – Kholo Kholo and the Adnan Sami track- Mera Jahan accompanied by the sweet chorus from the children choir.

Shantanu Moitra – Khoya Khoya Chand

No one knows Jazz, Blues and Rock n’ Roll better in Bollywood than Shantanu Moitra. If anyone does know better, no one knows how to implement it in Bollywood music more perfectly than Mr.Moitra. He did it with Parineeta’s “ Kaisi Paheli”. And he does it again in a bigger and a better way in Khoya Khoya Chand’s “ Ye Nigaahein” and “Khusboo Sa”. He even reminds us of “Mann Ye Baawra” with his Qawwali rendition of “Khoya Khoya Chand” and gives Sonu Nigam, the biggest space to explore his vocals in “O Re Paakhi”.

Vishal Shekhar – Om Shanti Om

Any music which can elevate the presence of Deepika Padukone onscreen is definitely worth mention. Ajab Si ruled the charts but my personal favorite here is “Main Agar Kahoon”. The clubs dug Dard-e-Disco and well, Deewangi Deewangi proved out to be the ITEM NUMBER of the year. More than a hundred reasons to be nominated.

Narrowing it down to one winner this year is just next to impossible. And so, the Best Music of the Year goes to Shantanu Moitra – Khoya Khoya Chand and Pritam for Life in a Metro. Whom did you find to be this year’s Music Mughals?

Okay, here I go again. Yet another review of another rock show. I know, I didn’t review Campus Rock Idols, which I should have, but I was lazy then, and well am lazy now too. But somehow, I feel like writing today, so I’m just gonna write it down.
Thanks to my friend Dipayan, and my knowledge of shortcut roads,I reached the venue, Elysium Lawns at 5:15 pm , the first wrong thing to do for any Yamaha Roxx event. They are bloody always late. Had to somehow survive through the entire painful course of noisy soundchecks and cacophonic distortions which they claim to be METAL ..yeah!!! I mean c’mon, who the fuck are you kidding? Management and arrangements were all over the place and it started to get on my nerves, which eventually resulted in a feeling of repulsion creeping in my mind. As a result of which, this review might not sound pretty positive. What the fuck! Where are the so called Pune rockers? This place is as dead as a morgue could be. I waited so long just because my pal , Rishi and his band, Silver were playing.

Okay, so soundchecks over. The bands started to roll in, and so let’s deal with them one by one. Shall we?
First up, ”Afterschool Blues”. Does seem like a school band. First thing, no bassist, so the rhythm section is all falling flat. The guitars are too loud, and too distorted. The vocalist is a girl, which has its advantages, but only when she can SING. In this case, she cannot. The self-titled original composition is set on a very low scale for the singer’s vocal range and is hardly audible. First act, no points from me. The riff though is catchy. But hey! You can’t build a whole song on one riff. Please complete it. And the bass replica from the keyboards, doesn’t work for me at all. Sorry!! Second song, RHCP’s Dani California. Singer in trouble again. Plain simple Karaoke stuff . It’s just the melody of the original song which keeps me listening to it. Hersh on the guitars was good , but I think , the tone should have been a sharper one for this song. Afterschool Blues,according to me, should get some proper schooling as far as the vocals and the “putting together act “ is concerned.

Next band: Dropout Society. Now, I’m not much into the knee length shorts, loose fit T-shirts, and the bass hanging below the knee kinda music they popularly consider as punk. Punk to me is Green Day. Punk to me is Fat Lip by Sum 41, and it is definitely not some riff rehashed and mashed from “All the Small things” by Blink 182. Dropout Society, whatever they played, seemed right out of some random punk formula, bringing in the extra drumming and the jumping around, but with a weird distortion yet again. Just can’t remember what songs they had for their set, and after it was over, it was out of my mind, forever. I guess they had some words like-Just like before. No idea whatsoever. Next.

Third band: Relapse. No offense, the lead singer is kkheeeeyuuuut. Hope she doesn’t smoke. I have this thing against smokers. They have bad breathe and well, black layered teeth. Wouldn’t want that on a gal, would you? Anyway,coming back to Relapse. First song:-Original comp(forgot the title)-Vocals –kicked it, nailed it. Want to recruit her for my band ( if it were ). The guitarist, who was showing off his white JEM, wasn’t the one playing the leads. It was the other guy. It sounded tight. Next song:-Skidrow’s 18 and Life. It’s very hard to fill in the shoes of Sebastian Bach. Surprisingly enough, she did a good job. End of the act, I got to know in the band intro, that the vocalist’s name is Aastha. Relapse-managed to put a decent act just because of the Aastha of Aastha, whatever that meant.

Time for some more bakarch@#$. The announcer who seemed to have headed out straight from the nearby gym, was accompanied by the lady in black. Man, they have some thick skin. Inspite of all the booos and fuck-offs, they try to put on a smile, and the guy keeps on repeating….give them a Big HAND of Applause. WTF!!!
Yeah, airguitaring and that Ray Ban shades. Not worth the 1000 embarrassing scraps in my scrapbook the next day. Moving on, next band, Rigor Mortis- which literally means the permanent contraction of skeletal muscle associated with death. Whaat???? Yeah, one of those unanswered whatevers. Another distorted mayhem sounding awfulness . In the words of Parikrama-Can somebody hear me I’m screaming from so far away? Yeah, screaming, not singing here. I’d bet my arse , no one got a single word of the lyrics. I’d rather not talk about the songs now. Because there aren’t any. Lamb of God cover, I can bet my arse, yet again (confident that I’d not lose my first bet), that the original would definitely sound as thrash metal, and the cover –just trash. And for all those dumb mindfucks in the mindless mosh-pit, wake up, care for your balls , you still have a long way to go to use them. How many of them were actually enjoying the so-called METAL? I really doubt or am I getting old.Fuck no. My friend Abhishek stepped up to the judge, Sheetal (not to be mistaken to a lady, it’s a HE and he plays the guitars in Tungsten, pretty awesome, actually reminds of Paul Gilbert, and his Brown Vested look and curly reminds me of VHS of Santana Live,totally different story hehe!) and he asked him, what do you think about such kind of music? He replied, looking at the mosh-pit, “You can see”.

Aah. Finally, it’s time for Silver to roll. And even before they start to let the cat out of the bag, the crowd knows it that this is what they have been looking forward to. I raise one hand in the air, and I swear Rishi didn’t pay me to write this, and even though he is a friend, this is a very objective and impartial opinion which many would agree. Rishi is the best bassist in PUNE, at least after AFS broke up, and Rushad is …where is he? All of the other band members complement him and this is why it ROCKED. Mahesh on the vocals can sing his lungs out, Savio on the leads can do justice to the Guitar, and Amit on the drums woo hoo. Love it when the double bass doesn’t kick in every now and then. LOL. Soundcheck begins, and it already feels that the judges have found the winner. First song, Feel the Heat. Needless to say, the crowd loved it, and so did I. First real act, original and kicking some real buttocks. Yeah, had some really minute glitches in between, but all marks for the entire act. Second song: Van Halen’s Ain’t talking about Love. Woo hoo. As Rishi promised, this was a SURPRISE. Loved it,especially because Mahesh grabbed the vocal chords and zoomed through it. Silver WINS WINS WINS. The go to Delhi for the National Finals. Btw, this event happened in Pune, for all those people who do not have any clue whatsoever.

Didn’t matter which band came next. What was it called? Talli. Forgettable original , and it disturbs me when every other singer tries to either growl or become an Eddie Vader clone. This is the point where I move out, and as I did so, I could hear SOAD’s Chop Suey being played. Turned a deaf ear and I vroomed on to Soul to have my Chicken Classic Soup to cleanse myself from all the bloody noisy shit I had been subjected to for the last couple of hours. Heard someone play Eric Clapton-ish Blues cum Jazz in Shisha. Thanked God , that I had finally some MUSIC to end the day. Amen!

P.S.Rishi, I accept cheques as well as cards for the pics.
P.S.2:- Coming soon, a brief history of Brute Force, to be out soon here. Till then, watch this space.
Pics Courtesy: My Motorazr V3i.
Another unanswered question.Why does nobody cover Aerosmith,Queen or GNR?

Meet Barney Stinson,if you haven't so far ie. And if you haven't, you poor thing, you have missed on a very LEGENDARY thing. He is the perfect womanizer ( inherited from Joey) and has the best lines of the lot( as in Chandler), in the show "How I Met Your Mother". So, even though the series protagonist is Ted Mosby, Barney remains the most favorite character on the show. Played by Doogie Howser kiddo (not any more),Neil Patrick Harris, Barney has some of the brilliantly written lines ever, more famous to fans as Barneyisms. Wanna some taste of it?

"You broke up with a porn star? Friendship over. Friendship over!"

"Phone Five!"

"one of the similarities between girls and fish... they are both attracted to shiney objects."

"There are only two reasons to date a girl you've already dated: breast...implants"

The list is endless and it gets funnier, exponentially. If you loved the "how you doin' of Joey and the closing lines of Chandler, you'll definitely love Barney.Suit UP!!Catch him on How I met your Mother.

I wanted this post to be on my other movie blog. And then I decided not to. Just because I wanted to add so much adult content into this blog that it'd make all my readers (who are very conservative by nature, I know them coz they are just a bunchful who just can't take jokes having the word 'sperm')feel offended and consequently lose my reader(s) base. So here I am writing it here on a blog with an adult name(One Knight Stands, c'mon it is at least PG13). So wtf!!!! I have been writing a long long intro for this ,and what is it all about? This is the official slaughter, the public 'vastraharan' of a movie which stars all my favorite actors and Monica Belucci(she ain't an actress, c'mon her boobs are real).I'm talking about this movie called Shoot 'em Up starring Clive Owen and Paul Giamatti. I walked in the theater a bit late actually 5 mins after the movie started. So, I really did not get enough time to settle down at ease. Add to that I hit someone's knee in the dark (Thank God I didn't squeeze someone's groin, that's happened to me but its forgiven). There I was, had just rested my ass on the seat , totaly clueless what the f was happening. Clive Owen leathered up in black with Guns and talking more with the barrel and Bam Bam Bam! There's this pregnant lady whom he's trying to save. And hey there's Paul with his leather gang and Uzis and Mp5s fly around, and Mr.Clive Owen does the avahan of the Rajnikanth avatar. He flies, he rolls, he slides on grease and his leather jacket manages to get ...wait for it...no spots at all. Was it leather or Teflon? And then the climax of the first of many action sequences that were to unfold. Mr.Clive shoots at the Neon sign on the roof, to spell
"F U K..... U". Paul replies "F U K.. U... T O O". Now that's original right! And did you know the best thing? All this while Mr.Clive had a newborn baby in his front pocket of his leather jacket.Sab Prabhu ki Maya hai.

Don't worry about the story. There's a lot of Monica Darling ,if you know what I mean. I am going for the Unrated DVD version. Coz, the local theater here edited the essential portions.And yeah one action sequence involves Mr.Clive(ok, here on I'll call him Smith, coz that's the supposed name of the Top Secret Character he plays) and Monica darling making "Love" and Mr.Smith rolls over and notices danger and shoots his load( in both ways). Accompanied by his awesome witty lines and a Karamchand-isque carrot chewing(He even has the famous Bugs Bunny dialogue). Paul Giamatti is deprived of the good lines it seems and is seen to be tormented by a naggy wife. The frustration can be seen in the sexual tension he oozes out on poor Monica darling's spotless thighs. And yeah, when Smith again manages to fuck him over, what does he say...here's the dialogue of the movie..referring to Paul's previous movie-" Fuck me Sideways". That's brilliant mate!

And yeah the stunts are top notch. It involves poking of carrots to the eyes, shooting on the bars of a merry go round to make it revolve round and round, using ropes to manipulate guns in a gun warehouse, u make up the rest. I bet you'd be damn close as the director.
And just when I thought I had seen it all in a movie, Shoot em' Up suprised me with the climax. Smith shoots Paul in the heart, ejected his lump of flesh and the camera rolls down from his shoulders to his waist, and there is a hole from which I can see his heart beating and Mr.Smith is standing on the other side. Woo Hoo. I love this movie.............NOT.

Okay. I found this on a certain site I can't remember properly. And well, I'm adding my list too into it. I'm sure I'll be back with a v2.0 for this one. For now here we go. Just don't fall from the chair.

Top 10 things that only happen @ the movies.

1. Passionately kissing someone who, until just a second ago, you thought you despised.
2. Losing all 14kg of pregnancy weight in the time it takes to OW-OW-OW-AWWW! birth the baby.
3. People leaping up to stop the wedding.
4. Thirty seconds of passionate sex and then bam! - she has an orgasm.
5. Wearing a bra while having sex.
6. Working as an unpaid intern at a fashion magazine and getting an entire couture wardrobe totally free.
7. Discovering that your cat can talk, your boyfriend can fly or there's an alien living in your toolshed.
8. Inspired, poetic, spontaneous 'I love you' speeches.
9. Day after day of perfect skin and buttery highlights.
10. Tom Cruise, always looking tall.

Additions:
11. The most user friendly UIs on the most high-end state of the art Machines.
12.Virus gets loaded when it shows RED.
13. The Computer shut's down cos Monitor is shot .
14.Your car accelerates faster because you shift a gear up.
15.Buddy cops causing enormous amounts of damage to city (and private) property with no accountability.
16.Enemies are always horrible, horrible shots with their weapons, but you rarely miss.
17.The child wiz-kid cop-out. See Jurassic Park. The famliy is trapped and the security systems are down and password protected. The dinosaurs are closing in. The 8-yr old daughter announces "Wait, this is UNIX! I know this stuff!", then proceeds to fix everything with a few sudden keystrokes.
18.I punch you. You punch me. I punch you. You punch me. It goes back and forth, because neither of us wants to go down. Our. Heads. Are. Made. Of. Fluffy. Pillows.

Check this cool cool ad!!!!
This is exactly why good ADs rule. This one's for Hard Rock Cafe.

Only music can travel across boundaries.

Advertising Agency: Catevo Dubai, UAE
Creative Director: Bismarck Dias
Art Director: Noor Rizvi, Shashi Parvatkar
Copywriter: Melvin Jacob John

For the full image go here.

There are some lines which have been written to make sense, and some to make sense of Bollywood..forget it , whatever it meant, and just burst out at the following dialogues...

"Tere saamne teri maut khadi hai Kuttay !!"
'Tumhare liye meri jaan bhi haazir hai'
"Mere paas meri mari maa ka ashirwad hai."
"Apne Aaadmiyon se kaho ki bandookein phhek de"
"Dunyaki koi takat hame juda nahi kar sakti"
"Mere hotey huay tumhara koi baal bhi baaka nahin kar sakta"
"Yeh meri maa keh Kangan hai"

"Maa, mujhe Ashirwad de"

"Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii........"
"Khabardaar jo Mujhe haath bhee lagaya"
"Tumne apni ma ka dudh piya hai to ..."
"Maa main first class first pass ho gaya hu...."
"Arre, tum to mere bicchade huay bhai ho...Bhaiiiiyaaaaaa"
"Arre paglii yeh to khushi ke aansoon hain"
" Kutte mein tera khoon pee jaoonga " .
"ab ise davaa ki nahi dua ki zaroorat hai. "
Hamare maa baap is shaadi ke liye kabhi raazi nahin honge!

Mein tumhaare liye apni Jaan bhi de sakta hoon.Bas ek baar haan keh do.

how can u forget"bhagwan ke liye mujhe chod do""nahi.... yeh nahi ho sakta""main kaun hoon? kahan hoon?".. the all time amnesia dialogue

Main tumhare bachche ki maa banne waali hoon..!! :P

"hey bhagwan! ye tune kya kiya""tum ye sadma bardasht nahi kar sakoge"

" KANOON KO APNE HATH MEIN MAT LO.....APNE HATHIYAAR PHEK DO..."

Haaye.. yeh sunne se pahle main mar kyun nahi gayee...

suniay jee, aaj ghar jaldi aaiyay ga...

i'll b back with more...till then..laugh on..!!!!!!!!!!

One Knight Stands!

I'M Keven Feil

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Music Mughals 2007

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When Joey meets Chandler

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